Ross Offers a Response
Here I am bringing some of the characters from my book The Handel Letters to life again to see what our thinking about Handel and his times might inspire in us today.
From Ross: Hello, friends. Katherine (or Kate, as she prefers not to be called) forewarned you that I would speak up on my own behalf about our relationship and other topics of questionable interest. So, here we go. We do get along wonderfully well—no doubt due to her generally un-audacious and forgiving character. Though god knows, she can be irreverent or stubborn about some things. But on the issue of relationship labels, we have had a number of mostly agreeable debates over marriage and what it does or does not entail. Maybe some of you would like to jump into a discussion on that topic, too.
So, here, in my not particularly humble opinion, are my thoughts on the topic of marriage and the generally nosey interest in what anyone besides yourself wants to know or identify about what you may or may not consider your “special” relationships. I expect this statement is belligerent enough to let you guess my stance on the topic. Some years ago I was married, for what that is worth. I suppose it gives me more leverage here, but as I have no experience with a really good marriage, I doubt it. I divorced with no heirs and few happy memories of wedded bliss. I remember our friend Rebecca saying something about a good marriage depending on finding the right person. That seems reasonable, but it doesn’t really address the whole issue of whether you choose to make your personal relationships something others can easily identify as a category of some sort. I do not think we, as a culture, need that concept. I think the idea of assuming we all have a right to know other people’s intimate connections is simply wrong. We will likely come back to this at some point. As we all know, Handel never married. Maybe it is time to wonder again why that was.
Handel’s time and our current era are definitely not the same. However, the notion of marriage has always had a legal aspect to it that enters into play, then and now. I read a recent article, just because I knew I was going to spout off about marriage in this post. The article is https://www.melonelawpc.com/blog/marriage-is-a-legal-contract-what-that-means-for-you-and-why-most-couples-dont-realize-it/
As you can see from the title, the article explains that marriage is a legal contract quite aside from the emotional attachments that are a part of typical weddings. The legal contract is considered part of family law, and of course it claims to be protective of the people represented by the word “family.” If someone were to ask me—which no one has—I would say that we need some other means of protecting individuals and especially children, something other than marriage laws.
Our governing bodies fail on this as they do on so many things. But aside from that legal issue, I also dislike the way our culture insists on identifying any individual’s personal attachments to other individuals as essential information. I think it is no one else’s business what you may or may not feel about anyone else or whether you choose to live with them or sleep with them or whatever. Of course, abusive behavior toward others, especially towards minors, is another issue, and, again, it is something our governing bodies need to address with social services of some sort, not simply after-the-fact legal punishments.
There are some of the thoughts behind my stance on the issue of marriage. I’m also in favor of keeping private attachments simply private. And there you have it.